


Is this all we get?

by arxiver



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Depressed Steve Rogers, Depression, Falling In Love, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Veteran!Bucky, job hunting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 04:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12335163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arxiver/pseuds/arxiver
Summary: Steve is depressed. He’s doing much better than he was a few years ago, but he’s barely functioning at work. Now he’s laid off from his job and has to stave off a depressive spiral. In comes Bucky Barnes, a disabled vet who is having similar problems finding a job. Can they help each other find a job, and maybe find happiness along the way?





	Is this all we get?

Steve stares at his computer screen, but he barely sees it. He should be working on his latest paper, but his head feels like it's going to explode every time he thinks about it. He's been working on the paper for the better part of a year, and all the science is done, he just has to finish the writing. That's his least favorite part. He has to work in all the criticism from his co-authors, even when it makes him want to cry.

He's still staring at the screen and not actually seeing it when his boss, Ms. Potts, comes in. Pepper, as she has him call her, has been great to him, even when he feels he doesn't deserve it. She was really understanding when Steve had to take two months off for depression last year. He spent that time in an outpatient mental hospital, and when he came back he was much better at getting things done. In the time since then though, he feels like he has been backsliding, and Pepper has not been very forgiving.

"We need to talk about your contract," Pepper gets right to the point. "It's up at the end of the month. That should give you enough time to finish this paper, if you push hard."

"Does that mean you're not renewing my contract?" Steve asks

"That's not how it works around here," Pepper tells him like he should know. "We like to get fresh blood in here so we don't get stuck in the same ruts. Postdocs are only here for three years, and then they're out. I know you didn't get another position, but we can't keep you here out of pity."

Steve cringes. He knows the policy, but it's harsh to hear it spelled out like that. Steve applied for new jobs this academic cycle, but didn't get any. The most likely reason is his publishing rate. Thanks to his time in the hospital, and his depression in general, he has only published two papers in three years, and the second one isn't even out yet. The bare minimum for a postdoc in his field to be considered successful is one a year. It's time to face the fact that he's not going to get another academic position. It's time to apply for jobs in industry.

"Have you been searching for jobs?" Pepper asks, echoing his thoughts.

"I applied to one last week," Steve says meekly, "But I got rejected almost immediately."

"I'm not an expert in industry jobs," Pepper tells him. "But send me your resume and I'll look it over."

"Thanks, Pepper," Steve says.

"And you need to be applying to a lot more jobs than one a week," Pepper adds as she walks out of his office.

Steve goes back to staring at his screen. He has no motivation to push hard to get this paper done. If he's not staying in academia, then what's the point? He glances at the clock; still two hours until he can go home. He pulls out his notebook meant for writing ideas and starts sketching in the margins. Steve can't wait until he gets home so he can crawl into bed, maybe down a six-pack of beer. He just wants to forget about his responsibilities for a while.

* * *

Bucky stares at his counselor from the VA as she hands him a piece of paper. He takes it from her and checks out the details. "You want me to go to a civilian group therapy?"

"Yes," his counselor states simply. "We've got some great programs here at the VA, but this one is more suited to your needs. It's geared specifically to people who are having trouble motivating themselves to search for jobs."

"I'm not having trouble looking for jobs, it's just no one will take me with my fucked up arm." He gestures to his left arm, which looks normal from the outside, but underneath his clothes is a mess of scars. He's had three surgeries in the last six months, and he still can't do jack with it. It eliminates him from manual labor jobs, and he's not smart enough for office jobs. His job searching has not been going well.

"You've given up looking because it's taking so long," his counselor says. "Frankly, I think you are starting to get depressed."

"Oh, you think?" Bucky says sarcastically.

"This group will be good for you," his counselor says, ignoring his flippant tone. "You should give it a try."

"Fine," Bucky grudgingly agrees. "What else am I doing with my Monday nights?"

* * *

"Group therapy?" Steve asks Dr. Norris, his psychiatrist. He came for his monthly appointment just to get a refill on his medications, but Dr. Norris had to pry into how he's been feeling. He'd admitted he was more depressed than usual, hoping to get more pills to make it go away, but Dr. Norris had suggested group therapy instead. Steve is not convinced.

"Yes, Steven," the doctor confirms, "You are telling me that you try to apply to jobs each weekend, but end up staying in bed all day instead. You need some help with your motivation, and more medication isn't going to do that for you. The hospital runs a group therapy related to applying for jobs. I think you should go."

"I don't really like people," Steve admits. "I don't think group therapy is the way to go."

"Well you've refused to see the therapist I recommended, so maybe I can get you to go to group therapy. It's free."

"I haven't refused to see Dr. Chandrasekhar, I just haven't gotten around to it yet." Steve really has meant to make an appointment, he just hates calling people on the phone. "And money isn't the issue." Although soon he won't be getting an income anymore.

"Then what can I do to encourage you to go to the group therapy sessions?" Dr. Norris asks.

"Nothing." Steve sighs. "I do really need another job. If you think this will help me get one, then I'll give it a try."

"Great," Dr. Norris says excitedly. "The sessions are on Monday nights, and you don't even have to tell them you're coming, you just have to show up."

"I'd rather be in bed, but I'll try to show up."

* * *

The first session starts the very next Monday, and Steve is dreading it. He spent the entire weekend in bed again instead of going to the library like he planned. He doesn't want to be here either, but after his weekend failure, he feels he has to do something. He can't go without health insurance, not with his depression issues, so he needs a job quickly. The so-called affordable health plans on the exchange aren't very affordable and they don't cover much.

So here he is, in a tiny room the far wing of the hospital with chairs in a circular pattern. There's coffee at a side table, so Steve mills around there waiting for the session to start.

"Oh thank god, there's coffee," an attractive longhaired brunet man in a red henley says as he speed walks up to the table. Steve hasn't been interested in anyone in a long time, but this man has certainly caught his attention. He's gorgeous, even though he's dressed a bit frumpily.

"Hi, I'm Steve," he starts to say.

"I don't really care, you're in the way of the coffee," the man says back.

"Oh, sorry," Steve apologizes as he gets out of the way. He resigns himself to being ignored again. Somehow at 6' 2'' he still blends easily into crowds and nobody ever looks at him twice.

The brunet pours himself a cup of coffee and takes a deep drink. "Tastes like crap, but it's still sweet caffeine," he says to no one in particular. He spots Steve in the corner he had backed into and actually walks up to him. "Sorry, I was an ass. Let me start over. I'm Bucky." He extends his arm for a handshake and Steve takes it.

"Hi Bucky," Steve says brightly. He never expected this guy to actually talk to him. "You here for group?"

"My counselor recommended it," Bucky says. "So here I am."

"I don't really know how this group will help," Steve says honestly, "But I figure I need any help I can get, so I guess here I am as well."

Group starts before the conversation gets anywhere else, so the two sit down next to each other in the circle of chairs.

"I'm Susan," a woman at the front starts off, "I'll be leading the group today. You all will be doing most of the talking, but I'll lead the discussion. Today I want to start off by everyone telling us what brought them here." Steve groans. He hates speaking in front of the group. He's a little too loud though, because he gets the attention of Susan. "You have just volunteered to start us off," she says brightly.

"Uh, no thanks," Steve responds. Maybe he can just skip his turn.

"Everyone has to share," Susan tells him. "You don't have to say much. Just why you're here." So much for skipping.

"My psychiatrist sent me," Steve says tersely.

"Please, help me out here," Susan begs him. “Tell us more than that.”

"Fine," Steve relents. "I'm Steve and I've thrown my career down the toilet."

"Would you like to explain that a bit more?" Susan probes.

Steve sighs. "I've had depression for as long as I can remember, but it started getting really bad a few years ago. I used to be a motivated person. I got my PhD in astrophysics and got a good job after grad school. But with the new job, my motivation just went away. I have no idea what happened, but my depression worsened, and I couldn't work. I was in the hospital for a while, which helped, but I never got my drive back. I just stare at my computer all day doing nothing or browsing the internet. Now my postdoc is over, I didn't get a new one, and I have no hope of continuing my career in academia." Steve breathes. He had no intention of saying all that, but it just came out. It actually feels good to get it out of his system.

"Have you been looking for other jobs," Susan asks. 

"I've tried a few companies, but what am I good for. I trained for 10 years to be an astrophysicist, and now that's all I know how to do." Steve let's his frustration out on his styrofoam coffee cup, squeezing it until it cracks at the seams.

"Well one of your goals will definitely be to list your skills and find what fields they work for. I'm not an expert on what astrophysicists do, but I'm sure you have math skills and communication skills and you must be highly intelligent. You just have to find the right fit." Steve is sure that will be a lot harder than Susan is making it sound. If it were that easy he would have done it already. Or maybe not. "Thanks for sharing Steve, let's move on to the young man to your right."

The brunet looks up when she says that and looks to be dreading speaking as much as Steve had at first. "I'm Bucky," he starts off. "I'm looking for a job after getting out of the military. My counselor thinks I'm not trying hard enough."

"We're here to help with motivation, Bucky, so this is a good place for you to be." She moves on to the next person, and Steve is embarrassed when he realizes that is all he had to say. He over shared and spilled all his emotional problems all over group. Now the attractive brunet won't want anything to do with him. Typical.

* * *

Bucky tunes everyone out as they share their reasons for being here. He hates that he couldn't share what was really bothering him, but he doesn't want to explain what happened to him again. Everyone always wants more details about the IED that almost took off his arm, but he's done sharing the story.

The hot blond, Steve, had no problem sharing his story. And god, he's an astrophysicist. That's way out of Bucky's league. He can't believe he thought he might have a shot with the way he smiled at him. But Bucky's too dumb to date someone with a PhD. They'd probably laugh at his GED and five years of military service.

The lead counselor, Susan, wraps up the introductions and he finally starts paying attention again. "I want you to partner up with the person next to you and start brainstorming skills you have that can go on a resume." He looks to Steve, who smiles at him and nods his head at the nonverbal request for a partner. He's nervous now to list his meager skills in front of this guy who studies the universe. He’s going to look so dumb in comparison.

They turn their chairs towards each other and nervous silence settles over them as the other groups get to work. "So, I'm no good at listing skills," Steve starts off. "Wanna go first?"

"Sure," Bucky says, not happy about this at all. "I can kill a man from 500 yards," he says for shock value.

Steve looks up at him sharply. "Oh," he says. "I don't think that's the kind of skill you should put on your resume."

"It's all I've got," Bucky tells him. "I was a really good sniper, but nothing else."

"Why'd you leave the military then?" Steve asks.

Bucky looks away. "Medical discharge," he admits.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Steve says. "What happened?"

"I don't really want to discuss it," Bucky snaps at him.

"Ok," Steve says cautiously. "I'm sure they teach you other things in the military than just 100 ways to kill a guy. How about leadership skills?"

"I guess," Bucky admits. "I was a sergeant in the army. I did have people under my command."

"That's one then," Steve says brightly.

"Your turn," Bucky throws back.

Steve slumps down. "I guess my greatest skill is coding. But I mostly code in this obscure language that nobody but physicists use. People aren't going to want to hire someone who needs to learn a new programming language."

This was all going over his head. "You're going to have to dumb that down for me."

"There's no point," Steve says dejectedly. "I was just saying that my main skill set is useless to me on the job market."

"You've got to have something,” Bucky tries to get from the man. “You're crazy smart for one thing."

"You're just saying that because I have a PhD," Steve says somberly.

"Uh, yes, I am," Bucky tells him. "That officially means you're crazy smart. Much smarter than me with only a GED to my name."

"I'm not necessarily smarter than you," Steve says. "I just worked really hard for my grades. I basically had no life in school. Still don't if I'm honest. But now it's cause I'm in bed all day rather than studying all the time. Same difference to my life though."

"That mean you're single?" Bucky asks cheekily. He immediately regrets it. But Steve just shyly ducks his head. Maybe that's a good sign after all.

Group ends and they both barely have anything on their lists. Bucky doesn't think that's a good start to his job hunting prospects. He turns to Steve. "Hey buddy, you can tell me to shove off if you want, but if you wanted to get together to work on resumes and stuff, I'm usually at the local library on the weekends.

"That'd be great," Steve beams at him. "I need a reason to get out of bed on the weekends. Meeting up with you could be that reason."

"Perfect," Bucky says. "Let me give you my number so you can find me. I'm usually in the back on the first floor." He puts his number into Steve's phone and Steve immediately texts him back so Bucky'll have his number as well. "It's a date."

* * *

The next weekend Steve is lying in bed as usual when his phone buzzes. He picks it up to see a text from Bucky.

**Bucky: Couldn't get my usual table. I'm up on the second floor now.**

Steve completely forgot about their plans to meet up. He jumps out of bed and starts routing around on the floor for a clean pair of clothes. He quickly texts Bucky back.

**Steve: Cool. Running late. Be there soon.**

He throws on some clothes that are questionably clean, but at least don’t smell bad. Then he smells himself and is immediately taking off his clothes again so he can take the quickest shower of his life. Steve doesn't know why he's trying so hard for Bucky, but he really wants the guy to like him.

He's out the door in 10 minutes and practically runs to the library. Thankfully he lives close by. Still, he’s sweating by time he gets to there, so his shower probably didn’t do him any good. He walks up the stairs to the second floor slowly, trying to catch his breath. He spots Bucky at a table by the window and walks over to him.

“How’s it going?” he asks, trying for nonchalant.

Bucky looks up from his computer. “I’ve just been searching through job registers. Come join me.” He points to the empty chair next to him.

Steve gets his computer out of his bag and sits down. “Any luck?” he asks.

“I don’t know what I’m looking for to be honest,” Bucky admits. “I can’t do manual labor, and I’m not qualified for office jobs.”

“Why don’t you think you’re qualified for an office job?” Steve asks. “There are a lot of entry level positions that don’t require experience.”

“I’m too dumb,” Bucky states simply.

“Don’t say that about yourself,” Steve admonishes. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

“I went into the army because I was a high school dropout with no job prospects,” Bucky explains. “Now I’m still a high school dropout, just an older one.”

“You told me before you have a GED,” Steve says. “And doesn’t being a sniper require math skills?”

“That’s stuff’s easy though,” Bucky tells him.

“Not to everybody, I’m sure,” Steve says. “You’ve got more going for you than you think.”

“I guess,” Bucky responds. “It’s not much. We can’t all be astrophysicists.”

Steve ducks his head. “Neither can I, as it turns out. I kinda screwed up, and now I’m out a career.”

“What happened?” Bucky asks.

“I used to love my job, but I started dreading coming in to work,” Steve explains. “I really don’t know why it happened. Just the depression I guess. All the little things that I didn’t like about my job really got to me, and I couldn’t focus without someone to guide me or give me deadlines.”

“So now you’re going to start a new career?” Bucky asks him. “What field?”

“I was thinking Data Science. It’s got all the aspects that I like about astrophysics, like coding, but I wouldn’t have to write academic papers or get grants.”

“I have no idea what data science is, but it sounds good,” Bucky says. “What seems to be the problem then?”

“I’m not motivated to apply,” Steve admits. “I’ve gotten rejected from the handful of places I’ve applied so far. I haven’t even gotten an interview. And that’s a whole other problem. I’m terrible at interviewing. Even if I get that far, I’ll just be passed over for someone who doesn’t clam up when they’re asked questions.”

“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Bucky tells him. “You can’t know you’ll fail at the interview until you get that far. And maybe you just need a little bit of practice. We could practice together.”

“I’d like that,” Steve says. “Maybe once I get an interview at one of these companies we’ll do just that.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon in companionable silence while they both work on resumes and job applications. When the library closes at five, Steve has applied for more jobs than he has all month.

“Thanks for making me get my butt out of bed,” Steve tells Bucky as the walk out the front doors of the library. “I was way more productive than I expected to be.”

“Yeah, it was good for me too,” Bucky responds. “Want to do it again next weekend?”

“Absolutely,” Steve says. “Will you be going to the group session on Monday? We can discuss details then.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” Bucky says before hesitating. “Would you maybe be interested in drinks sometime?”

Steve blushes and ducks his head. Is this guy asking him out? “Sure,” he says quietly. “When?”

“How about now?” Bucky suggests. “I know this great bar down the street that has happy hour specials.”

“Ok,” Steve responds shyly. “Is this like a date?”

“Only if you want it to be,” Bucky replies.

“I do,” Steve tells him. “You’re a great guy Bucky. I’d love to go out with you.”

“Aw, don’t get sappy on me,” Bucky responds. “Come on, the bar’s just down this street.”

* * *

Bucky can’t believe he got the hot blond to go out with him. But here they are, both with a beer in hand, exchanging pleasantries.

“So how’d you get into astrophysics?” Bucky asks Steve.

“Honestly, it’s because I was a math nerd,” Steve admits. “Always loved it in school. Then I found physics, which is just an application of math, and eventually astrophysics. I’ll admit I was also a science fiction nerd. My mom raised me on Star Trek.”

“You’re even more a nerd than I thought,” Bucky teases good-naturedly.

“Shut up,” Steve pleads. “What about you. What brought you to the military?”

“Well like I said before, I was a high school dropout with no job prospects,” Bucky explains. “The military sounded like a good idea at the time.”

“If I may ask,” Steve ventures, “Why’d you drop out of school?”

“’Cause I was a stupid punk who thought school was lame,” Bucky tells him. “I never really fit in, and I wasn’t doing well enough to go to college, so I didn’t see the point. Now I wished I’d stayed.”

“Did you not like the military?” Steve asks.

“Actually, I liked it just fine,” Bucky says. “I thrived there, I really did. But now that they discharged me, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“We’ll find you something, Bucky,” Steve tells him.

“How can you have so much confidence in me, but none in yourself?” Bucky asks.

Steve looks away for a second before answering. “It’s the depression. I’m honestly not doing so well these days. If you hadn’t invited me out today, I’d be spending the whole day in bed.”

“Spending the whole day in bed’s not always a bad thing,” Bucky says. “As long as you are sharing the bed with someone else.”

That startles a laugh out of Steve before he gets himself under control. “Honestly, I haven’t shared my bed with anyone in about three years. Just about when my depression was getting the worst.”

“That sucks dude,” Bucky says. “Depression cock block?”

Steve smiles. “Something like that. I don’t go out much to meet anyone new. Plus the drugs don’t help with motivating me, uh, sexually.”

“Really?” Bucky asks.

“I can’t believe I’m discussing this on a date, but yeah,” Steve hangs his head. “The drugs I’m on right now aren’t so bad, but I’ve been on ones in the past that make sex seem like a chore, or worse, make me all but impotent.”

“Shit,” Bucky exclaims, “Makes me not want to ever go on those drugs.”

“Why would you?” Steve asks.

“My counselor says I’m getting depressed,” Bucky admits. “But it’s not chronic depression like in your case.”

“Then therapy should be enough for you, if you don’t want to try the drugs,” Steve explains.

“Getting a job might be good enough for me,” Bucky says. “What about you? Do you think getting a job is all you need?”

“No,” Steve says sadly. “It will help. But I’ll likely always need therapy and medication. That’s one reason I need a job. I need a good health insurance plan to cover all that.”

“Or just marry rich,” Bucky suggests. “I’m sure those rich bastards never worry about how they’ll cover their medical bills.”

“How’s the military’s health plan?” Steve asks.

“Pretty good, actually,” Bucky tells him. “I’ve had a lot of surgeries, and it’s all covered because I was hurt in the line of duty.”

“How were you hurt?” Steve asks.

Bucky shuts down. He doesn’t want to talk about that, but he doesn’t want to scare Steve off either. He thinks the date is going well. “How about we talk about that on date number two?” he suggests instead.

Steve ducks his head in his characteristically shy way. “You want to go on a second date with me already?”

“Absolutely,” Bucky tells him. “You’re hot and you’re fun to talk to. What’s not to love?”

“I’m enjoying myself as well,” Steve admits. “I’d happily go on a second date. I can’t believe I haven’t scared you off, or bored you to death”

“That’s the depression talking, Steve. You’re a blast to hang with.” Bucky gives him a winning smile and Steve adverts his eyes while he blushes.

They chat through the night. Bucky’s having so much fun he loses track of the time. But Steve looks at his watch at around midnight and says he has to go.

“I’ll walk you home,” Bucky offers.

“Sure, I’d like that,” Steve accepts. “I just live a few blocks away.”

Bucky doesn’t feel the effects of the beer they’ve been drinking until he gets out on the street. Then his legs feel a little wobbly, and he realizes that he’s had too much.

“Whoa,” Steve says, steadying him. “Maybe I should be walking you home.”

“I’m alright,” Bucky says standing up straight. “You’ve had as many beers as me, how come you’re not drunk?”

“Honestly, I drink too much,” Steve admits. “I have a high tolerance by now. Seriously, let me walk you home.”

“Fine,” Bucky relents. “I live just over here.” He points in the opposite direction of Steve’s place. He’s only a few blocks away as well, so it’s a short trip. They walk in silence while Bucky tries to stay upright.

They arrive at Bucky’s building and he walks up a couple steps so he’s looking down at Steve. “I had a good time,” he says, even if it is clichéd.

“Me too,” Steve replies.

Bucky leans down for a kiss, and Steve meets him halfway by going up one step. Steve’s lips are warm and soft and he doesn’t do much more than place his lips on Bucky’s, the perfect gentleman. But Bucky doesn’t want just a chaste goodbye kiss. So he opens his mouth and gently licks into Steve’s. Thankfully, Steve complies and opens his mouth as well. They get lost in each other’s lips for a while before Bucky comes up for air.

“Do you want to come upstairs with me?” he asks. Steve just nods and follows Bucky as he gets his keys in the door and heads upstairs.

Once they’re in his apartment, Bucky leads Steve to his couch and they start making out properly. Bucky is thrilled to have this hot blond in his apartment. He hasn’t gotten much action since the accident. He leads Steve to lie on his back and Bucky straddles him. He gets his hands under Steve’s shirt and moans at how hard those muscles are under his fingers.

Steve hands start to roam from Bucky’s waist to under his shirt as well. He starts to pull it off, when Bucky freezes. He pulls back from Steve and gets off the couch.

“I’m sorry,” Steve apologizes. “Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s not you, Steve,” he explains. “I just haven’t been with anyone since I hurt my arm. It’s kind of a mess. I don’t think you want to see it.”

Steve stands up and goes to cup Bucky’s face. “I want to see all off you, your scars included. I promise I won’t flee.”

Bucky breathes in and calms himself down. He guides Steve back over to the couch and sits him down. He stands before Steve and slowly takes his shirt off. He ducks his head. He knows what he looks like. His left arm is a mass of scars, both from the initial IED explosion and from the surgeries he’s had since.

Steve stares at him for a moment before he moves. When he does, he hovers a hand over the scars and turns to look Bucky in the face. “What happened?”

“IED,” Bucky finds himself explaining. “Almost took off my arm. Wounded some of my men real badly though. Thankfully we didn’t lose anybody, but several people are missing limbs because of some terrorist bastard. I’m supposed to be thankful I can still use my arm, though I can barely do anything with it. My physical therapist thinks I’ll never get full mobility back.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve says honestly. “That really sucks. But did you think this was going to drive me away?”

Bucky looks at Steve, so open and earnest. He knows now that his fears of rejection were unfounded. This man is too loving and kind to leave him for his arm. “I kinda did, but I don’t now,” he tells Steve. “I’m so glad I found you.” Bucky grabs Steve’s arm and pulls him off to the bedroom.

* * *

They spend all of Sunday in bed, and true to Bucky’s word, it’s not a bad thing if there’s someone to share it with. They part Sunday night only because Steve has to go to work in the morning, and he’s left all his medication at home. The next time they meet is during their Monday night group therapy session.

Steve gets there first, so he hangs out by the coffee again. He’s nervous to see Bucky again. They had the best time this weekend, but Steve starting to get worried that it was a one-time thing. Steve isn’t one to go home with somebody on a first date, but he had made an exception for Bucky. Now he waits anxiously to see if Bucky will even come tonight.

He’s eying the front door when Bucky comes in. He sees Steve immediately and comes over to him with a huge smile on his face. “Hey, Steve,” he starts off. “It’s so good to see you. I can’t remember the last time we saw each other.”

Steve smiles. “Har har,” he deadpans. It’s been less than 24 hours since they saw each other, but Steve still finds he missed Bucky in that time.

“Shall we find our seats?” Bucky asks as people start congregating in the sitting area. They sit down and session begins.

“To start out,” Susan begins, “I was hoping someone would have an accomplishment from the last week that they would like to share.”

To Steve’s surprise, Bucky raises his hand. Susan indicates that he should start them off. “Steve and I applied to jobs this weekend.”

“That’s wonderful,” Susan acknowledges. “What gave you the motivation?”

“We met at the library, and we pushed each other to complete some applications,” Bucky explains. “It worked really well.”

“Having someone keep you accountable is a good way of motivating oneself,” Susan tells the group. “Steve, would you say it was productive for you as well.”

Steve clears his throat. He kind of wishes Bucky hadn’t volunteered him to speak. “Yeah. I got more applications done in one afternoon than I had all month.”

“You spoke last week about having trouble getting out of bed on the weekends,” Susan remembers. “That wasn’t a problem this weekend?”

“Not on Saturday,” Steve says. Bucky snickers, likely remembering what they were doing in bed on Sunday. “When I tell someone I’ll be somewhere, I come. Bucky invited me, so I got out of bed.”

“That’s great, Steve,” Susan tells him. “Today I’d like you all to work on things that get you motivated. Things like deadlines, rewards, or accountability like Steve and Bucky used this weekend. Make a list and figure out how to work it into your life.”

Steve and Bucky turn to one another. “Well accountability worked for us,” Bucky states. “Anything else work for you?”

“I do well with deadlines. But not if they’re self imposed.”

“What if I gave you a deadline?” Bucky asks. “Would you stick to it?”

“No,” Steve admits. “There has to be some kind of negative side effect to not getting it done on time or it doesn’t work. Like in school, not wanting bad grades would be the incentive for me to do my homework.”

“Hmm, don’t know how to make that work,” Bucky says. “We’ll have to do more brainstorming. You still up for another Saturday at the library?”

Steve smiles brightly. Bucky isn’t blowing him off. “Of course. I got so much work done with you there.”

Bucky smiles back. “Then afterwards, maybe I can see your place?”

Steve’s smile falters. “Oh um…”

“Oh my god, was that too forward,” Bucky panics. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” Steve assures him. “I want you to come over. It’s just… It’s kind of a disaster zone right now. I live alone and the depression makes it hard to clean. But I have until the weekend to get it done, so I should be able to clean up. I’ll have motivation after all.”

“You don’t have to clean for me,” Bucky says. “I don’t care if it’s a mess.”

“You don’t understand how dirty it is,” Steve explains. “I’ll get it taken care of. I’d really like to see what you look like in my bed.”

“Oh ho,” Bucky chuckles, “Now who’s being forward.” Steve shyly ducks his head and blushes but Bucky continues. “No, I like it. You should try it more often.”

“Can we get back to the task at hand?” Steve deflects.

“I’m not sure,” Bucky says. “You’ll have to remind me what we’re doing.”

“Listing things that get us motivated,” Steve reminds him.

“A hot guy might motivate me,” Bucky responds.

“OK, so I’m writing down no sex until you get some work done,” Steve makes a show of writing this point down.

“Oh wait now,” Bucky tries to stop him. “That’s not fair.”

“If it works, it works,” Steve says matter-of-factly.

“Fine,” Bucky concedes. “We’ll get some work done on Saturday and then you’re mine for the rest of the weekend.”

Steve smiles, but doesn’t let himself get taken in. “I think we should also work on Sunday.”

“Aw,” Bucky complains. “I enjoyed what we did last Sunday.”

“So did I,” Steve says while blushing heavily. “But it doesn’t help either of us get a job.”

“Touché,” Bucky allows. “Fine. We’ll get some work done on Sunday too.”

“What will motivate us to do that?” Steve asks

“Accountability,” Bucky says. “I’ll call my friend Nat, and tell her to call us on Sunday, say 11 am. And if we’re not already at the library, she’ll yell at us.”

“Will that work?” Steve asks unsure.

“Believe me,” Bucky says. “Nat is scary enough to get my ass out of bed. If we’re not there on time, I’ll have you listen to her yell, and you’ll get the fear of god put into you, mark my words.”

“If you have her,” Steve starts, “Then why do you need me? You can just have her hold you accountable.”

“Then I wouldn’t have a beautiful specimen of humanity keeping me company.” Bucky tells him. “Oh wait shit, don’t tell Nat I excluded her from being a beautiful specimen of humanity. She’d have my balls on a platter. She’s gorgeous, just doesn’t have the right parts for me, you know.”

Steve does understand what he’s getting at. He may be bisexual himself, but he’s had plenty of straight and gay friends who have explained to him why they couldn’t possibility date people of one gender or another. It doesn’t make much sense to him though. People are people. Who cares what their parts are?

“I’d just rather you be there,” Bucky continues. “Plus, we’re helping each other out this way, instead of Nat just keeping watch over me. I’d prefer a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

“Is that what we have?” Steve asks. “A mutually beneficial arrangement?”

“Well I thought so,” Bucky states. “But it could be more,” he adds with an eyebrow waggle.

“How so?” Steve asks, intrigued.

“Maybe a could take you out on a real date?” Bucky asks with uncharacteristic shyness. “After the library, we could go to a nice restaurant or something?”

“I’d like that,” Steve assures him.

“Great!” Bucky perks up. “I’ll see you at the library on Saturday then.”

Steve notices then that the session is wrapping up and people are starting to leave. He hadn’t realized that much time had passed. He wants to keep talking to Bucky, but his last words seemed kind of final. So he nods to Bucky to indicate he’s ok with the plan, and starts to pack up his things.

* * *

Bucky’s week passes slowly. Without a job, he’s only got doctor’s appointments and therapy sessions to attend, and nothing else to occupy his time. He considers texting Steve and setting up an earlier date, but he’s worried about jinxing what they’ve got. Steve is sure to show up for their library session, but would he show up if it were just a date? Bucky isn’t ready to test that out.

So he waits until Saturday comes around. He gets up early, even though they aren’t scheduled to meet until noon. He showers, puts product in his hair, and picks out an outfit for their dinner date later tonight. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. He got the guy into his bed last week, why should this week be any different? But now he’s asked to make this something more than just fucking. He wants this to be a real relationship. From Bucky’s experience, this is when most guys run.

He arrives at the library early, gets his usual table in the back, and texts Steve to let him know where he is. He gets a response right away that Steve is five minutes away. So he opens his laptop and settles in, waiting for Steve to arrive.

“Hey, hope you weren’t waiting long,” Steve says when he gets there.

“Not at all,” Bucky replies. “Come sit down.” He indicates a seat next to him. Steve sits and pulls out his own laptop.

They get straight to work and Bucky is surprised at how well he is able to concentrate considering the hot hunk sitting beside him who has been the center of his fantasies all week. But he gets more job applications in than he has all week.

When the library closes at 5:30, they part ways before their date. “Why don’t you meet me at my place at 7?” Bucky suggests. “I know a great restaurant I want to take you to. It’s walking distance from my place.”

Steve agrees and they head out in opposite directions. Bucky goes home, knowing it won’t take him an hour and a half to get ready. He gets into the clothes he laid out this morning and puts on the TV to wait out his nervousness.

There’s knock on the door at 6:45. Bucky opens the door to find Steve in a dark blue button down with black slacks. “How’d you get into the building?”

“You’re neighbor let me in,” Steve answers.

“They’re not supposed to do that,” Bucky groans. “You could be a nasty thief or a serial rapist.”

Steve laughs. “I promise I’m not a serial rapist.”

“I know that,” Bucky says, kicking himself for accidently insulting Steve. “But my neighbors don’t know you yet, so they shouldn’t be letting you in.”

“Yet?” Steve catches.

Bucky holds in the groan. “I just meant that if this date goes well, you might be here often enough for them to recognize you.” He rubs his hands over his face so he doesn’t have to see Steve’s reaction to that. “We should probably try to get through dinner first.”

They manage to head out without any further embarrassment on Bucky’s part. They head a few blocks west to this great little Italian restaurant that Bucky loves, but never has anyone to take to. Except Nat, who claims the food is overrated.

They arrive, are seated by a hostess, and open their menus as a silence settles over them. Searching for something to say, Bucky blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “Have you gotten any call backs on your applications?”

Steve frowns and Bucky kicks himself. Of course that would be a sensitive topic. “No,” Steve answers. “But they said in group to be patient, that job hunting takes time.”

“I haven’t heard back from anyone either,” Bucky says. “They’re probably taking one look at my resume and throwing it in the trash.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Steve admonishes him. “It doesn’t help to be pessimistic.” He goes back to looking at the menu and the conversation halts for a minute. “If I could ask?” Steve begins again, “What would you perfect job be, if you didn’t have any restrictions?”

“I’d like to work with animals,” Bucky says wistfully. “But I can’t. If one pulls on my arm…”

“Maybe you could work tangentially to animals,” Steve suggests.

“How so?” Bucky asks, curious.

“Well, you’ve been applying for desk jobs. Why not work the front desk at a vet’s office or a dog groomers or something like that.”

“If I don’t have to handle the animals, it would be perfect,” Bucky agrees. “I love pets.”

“But you don’t have one of your own?” Steve asks.

“No, I’ve been in the army,” Bucky reminds him. “Can’t take care of a pet while your being deployed. Now that I’m out, I don’t have the money for a pet. Hence the need for a job.”

“Dog person or cat person?” Steve inquires.

Bucky laughs. “Do I have to choose? I’ll take one of each please.”

“Would they get along?” Steve asks.

“Most dogs love cats. As for the cat, you just have to get them young enough that they’ll grow up getting used to the dog. Trust me,” Bucky says, “I’ve thought about this a lot.”

Steve chuckles. “Well, I’ll defer to your infinite wisdom on the topic then,” he says.

The rest of the night passes quickly. They stay in the restaurant for hours until they’re kicked out. As they make their way to Steve’s apartment, Bucky can’t help but smile. The night is going so well. But that only means he’s being dragged deeper into this, whatever this is. A relationship? Not yet, but it could be.

“So did you clean?” Bucky teases.

“Yes,” Steve answers. “You would have run screaming if I didn’t.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Bucky says. “I probably won’t even be looking around the apartment. Not when I have you to stare at.”

Steve blushes. “You would have tripped, at least. Now there’s a clear path to the bed.”

“I like where you head is at,” Bucky tells him.

They get to the apartment and it’s true, Bucky doesn’t look around. He’s on Steve the second the get in the door. Steve walks backwards, pulling Bucky towards the cleared path he made to the bed.

* * *

“So we have about 10 minutes to get to the library before Nat calls and starts yelling at us,” Bucky announces the next morning. Steve is trying to finish his coffee as Bucky is frantically trying to find his second boot.

“Don’t worry about that,” Steve says. “I’m sure she’ll be placated if we tell her we’re on our way. Or you could just lie.”

“Lie? To Nat?” Bucky stops looking for his shoe to stare at Steve. “You’d be crazy to even try.”

“Calm down, come here,” Steve beckons. Bucky complies and walks towards him. Steve takes his hand and drags him down into his lap and steals a kiss. “Someday I’m going to have to meet this woman who can get you this worked up.”

“Someday?” Bucky asks. “So you want to keep doing this?”

Steve pulls back and frowns. Does Bucky not want to keep this up? “Of course. I thought that was obvious.”

Bucky takes in a shaky breath. “No, not obvious. Or at least my insecurities were getting the better of me.”

“I want to keep this up,” Steve assures Bucky by bracketing his face with his hands and giving him another quick kiss. “I want more than just weekends and an hour on Monday. I want to see you all the time.”

“This is crazy, we’ve really only just met,” Bucky says. “But that’s what I want too.”

“Good,” Steve agrees. “Then we’ll go to the library today, get some work done, then make plans to meet up again, soon.”

“Sounds like a plan I can get on board with,” Bucky tells him. They kiss again and soon get lost in it. That is until Bucky’s phone rings and he starts freaking out again. “We’re almost out the door, I swear. I just lost my shoe. Don’t yell at me yet, I’m doing what I promised.” Steve chuckles and shakes his head.

* * *

**ONE YEAR LATER**

“Nice to finally meet you Nat,” Steve says as he takes a box from her and puts it on the truck. “Bucky talks about you all the time, but somehow we’ve never met.”

“I’ve been out of town a lot over the last year, but James should have arranged something for us ages ago. I’m yelling at him later for not letting me meet you until you two are moving in together.”

“Don’t be too hard on him, we’ve both been busy with our new jobs,” Steve explains.

“What is it you do again?” Nat asks, though Steve suspects she already knows.

“I’m a data scientist for a cybersecurity company. I design algorithms for detection of cyber attacks.”

“That sounds really geeky,” Nat says. “James didn’t tell me you were a nerd.”

“I’m sure he did,” Steve says. “It’s the first thing anyone usually says about me.”

“Well James is different,” she says at little defensive of her friend. “He doesn’t make shallow judgments.”

“You mean like you just did?” Steve asks.

“Like I said, he’s different from me.” She certainly holds her ground.

Steve laughs. “That’s why I love him.” Nat’s face loses some of its hard edges.

“So you get to play with cats and dogs all day?” Sam voice emanates from the doorway as he and Bucky come down with more boxes.

“Ha, not really,” Bucky answers. “I can go back an play with them whenever I want as long as the front desk is manned, but my job is mostly paperwork.”

“Ever tempted to take one home?” Sam asks.

“All the time,” Bucky admits, “There is a rhodesian ridgeback I’ve got my eye on. But I promised Steve that we wouldn’t get a pet until we’ve moved to a new place. So I’ll probably adopt one about five minutes after we get settled.”

“Come on,” Steve complains. “You’ve got to give us as least a week.”

“Alright, ten minutes,” Bucky jokes.

Steve sidles up behind Bucky and puts his arms around him. He gives him a kiss on the cheek. “You know I love you,” Steve whispers in his ear.

Bucky turns around so they’re in each other’s arms. “Of course,” he whispers back, pecking Steve on the lips. “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. I love to know what people think.


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